Isabella Raine

I've mostly had positive therapy experiences. From ages ten to adulthood, I was in and out of CBT (talk therapy), and when I was 21, I did some art therapy. Art therapy was a really neat experience, as I had never realized it was an option. I learned a lot about my subconscious thoughts and feelings during it and I’d love to do some more of it someday.

I also had psychiatrists. Throughout the years, they diagnosed me with OCD with Intrusive Thoughts, Depression, General Anxiety Disorder, and most recently Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. They helped me get medication to find a balance to my brain and life. I still struggle sometimes with the idea that I need to take medication every day, but I'm eternally grateful for the difference it makes in my life.

In July of 2022, I had a big breakdown. It had been building for months following the dramatic loss of a friendship and spending a few months alone in Canada with the wrong amount of medications. I was back in the town I vowed to never go back to and I felt like a failure. All my plans and dreams had collapsed all at once and I was hopeless with what to do with myself or at all.

I needed something new and something big. I wanted something that gave me hope for the future and a way so that next time I tried to move that I'd be successful. Sooner than later, we found a local program for DBT. Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. I had heard of it, but never looked into it. The more I asked around, the more people were saying that it’s life changing. I didn’t read too much into it, but saw it could be great for PTSD and Suicidal Ideation. This stood out to me as I struggle with both. The only con was the commitment staying in the town I wanted nothing to do with.

We called, emailed, played phone tag, and within a few weeks, I got my initial interview for them to determine if it seemed like I’d be a good fit for it. Unsurprisingly to me, they deemed that I was, but there was a waitlist. 

I was six months out. 

I looked into other possibilities, I thought about telling them I wasn’t interested, just because I didn’t know if I could wait, but I did. In those six months, I tried to get my life together as much as I could to help myself before the professional help came into play. This included adjusting my meds, getting a job, and reconnecting with an old friend. These actions got me through the six month wait, and I’m excited to say I’m in my first month of DBT.

There were some preliminary individual sessions before I could really start. When I walked in, I immediately notice the colorful space that smelled like roses. I later learned this was a very purposeful space that's supposed to be self-soothing just in being there. 

She asked a lot of questions and we went through what I wanted to get out of DBT and my goal for graduation in 14 months. I trailed on and on just spilling my guts to this woman I just met, and I cried... A lot. I learned just how much I was hurt by everything I had convinced myself I felt fine about. I underestimated how much I needed to talk about everything that went down.

I’ve now had my first group session, which is basically a class where we go through the DBT Skills Training Workbook. It's filled with tools and concepts that are supposed to help you become self-sufficient rather than seeking external assurance and validation. So far we’ve talked about Radical Acceptance, How to I.M.P.R.O.V.E. the Moment, and Effectiveness. I'm instantly obsessed and fascinated with everything they're teaching. I ask myself if the choices I am about to make are going to be effective all day long. 

In the next few individual sessions we talked about Harm Reduction and Alternate Rebellion for my addictive behaviors. The most interesting part to me being to replace my addictive behavior with something less harmful and repeat. She also taught me  S.T.O.P., Opposite Action, and to “check the facts” when I'm experiencing a worry or am feeling in distress. These have all been instantly helpful skills to add and implement into my life.

After getting really into DBT, I started looking at more material online. I found products like DBT styled daily mood trackers and DBT Skills Card Decks. I also found that Pinterest is also a really great place to find DBT resources and skills made into posters or infographics. I even started to make my own poster filled with the skills I'm taught that I've clicked with.

It’s only been a month, but I can already see how this would change everything for me. I can't shut up about the program to my family and friends and I'm so grateful to have found the perfect match. It's everything I wanted for myself at that moment, crying on the side of the road and more.